Well, the results are in! After enduring many tests, sitting through countless appointments, after being poked and prodded like lab rats and guinea pigs, we have a diagnosis. We have what the medical community calls…drum roll…wait for it…you ready?…UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY. Yes, that is the technical term. Basically what that means is, we are two perfectly healthy people with highly functional…ahem…parts. Hooray, right??
I know that I should be jumping for joy and basking in the glow of relief; and while there is a part of me that certainly is, there is this other (slightly larger) part of me that’s like…really!? Well then WTF!? If everything is just dandy, then what the heck is going on?
I have entitled this blog, ”Frustratingly Vague” and really, that is a perfect way to describe this entire journey. I have enough nurses and doctors in my family and watch enough Grey’s Anatomy to know the incredible things our medical community does every day. We can literally put someone’s face onto another person’s face! And yet, they can’t tell us why we lost a baby and we are left with a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not knocking the medical community. Every single person we have encountered has been absolutely phenomenal and I truly feel that they are doing everything they can to get us our baby…it’s just frustrating and surprising that, in this day and age, they can’t tell us more.
So the big question now is, where do we go from here? The way I see it, we have two options:
- Keep trying
- Get help
As two people who have a sincere appreciation for natural healing, it is super tempting to just keep trying. We could bring back the acupuncture, keep up with the supplement regime, maybe work with a naturopath, do a little more yoga and generally just keep on keeping on. I see so many benefits to going down that road; but then again, that’s pretty much what we’ve been doing for the last year and a half.
On the other hand, we are totally open to option 2. Though modern medicine can be frustrating at times, it is also astounding and amazing and I am so thankful to live in a world where option 2 exists. When we received our vague diagnosis, our doc presented us with three options if we decide to get help:
- Follicle tracking and IUI (lovingly referred to as the “turkey baster method”)
- EIVF (brand new to Calgary, clinic isn’t even open yet)
- IVF (hella pricey but pretty effective)
Given the fact that things are working as they should, we pretty much ruled out options 2 and 3 for now, but option 1 is tempting.
The internal struggle that I am dealing with now is around the idea of patience. I have never been a terribly patient person, nor is my darling husband. When we get an idea in our heads, we just kind of want it…now. Quite literally one day, we looked at each other and said, “wanna have a baby?”, responded with a “yup” and a switch was flipped and we were ready. Like so ready. So I’m struggling with thoughts of being patient. Are we considering intervention and a sizeable financial investment, just because we are impatient? Then again, we have been patient…we’ve been a year and a half of patient (okay…patiently impatient ;)). So, when do you say enough is enough?
Truly though, the desire to be a mother is unlike anything I’ve ever known before. It is an all consuming desire that feels closer to an inexplicable need. It feels selfish, but it also feels completely natural and normal and I refuse to feel bad about it. I know that whatever we decide to do will be right and whenever it happens for us will be the right time. Now, we just have to decide…
love, lust and baby dust,